When another human being falls short of our expectations and we realize that what we want is not going to happen, instead of our day being ruined, there is a way for us to elevate ourselves and the other person in question. This special inner work begins with a new kind of wish born in us the moment we catch ourselves about do what we always do when facing a rocky moment in a relationship.
Here you are with your husband, your wife, your children, your boss, the checker at the supermarket, and you know you've judged, been cruel, or blamed others for your negative states until you're blue in the face, and you're weary of that. To this weariness you bring a willingness to enter into a new order of relationship which by its very existence at least suspends the moment in which you are about to take your usual action.
Ordinarily, you're willing to sacrifice anything and anyone in order to prove to yourself that you're in the right, but once you start to wake up a little bit, you can realize, "You know what? Instead of reacting as usual here, I'm going to actuate my understanding." Once you know where you need to be in any given moment, that which is natural to that part of yourself is given to you, but you must understand that inside of you is something that continues to keep you from doing that.
Here is a way to work: Whenever someone hurts or disappoints you, remember that this person cannot do anything different than what he or she knows to do. Even though you are on fire, you can put your understanding first that this person would never be doing what they were doing if they knew better. No one wants to be punished for what they don't know, and the only way the other person will ever know that they don't know is when you stop punishing them for it.
You can begin to understand that as a human being you have been put here for the purpose of rising, not for the point of proving yourself, and you can change what happens to you in that moment. You can quit the relationship that seems to be the only one possible right then, and join yourself to the relationship that you know in your heart stands there even if you can't see it, and you can intend to the Truth.
Dare to intend to the Truth, to your understanding of Love, and as you intend to it, be willing to stay in that spot where you can't find who you are and you can't say who the other person is. Then Truth tells you everything, because you've placed yourself where it's possible for it to make the connection with you, and you are raised instantaneously to a higher level of understanding that always had been waiting for you inside of that experience in your relationships.