Coming to the End of Codependency
Coming to the End of Codependency
  • Posted: July 23, 2007
  • 412 words
Key Lesson

In any relationship where one person depends on another to be his or her "parachute -- and the other accepts this role -- both will fall to the ground.


Whenever we consent to, or otherwise agree with anyone's dark assessment of his or her life, we are telling this person, "Yes, that is true (about you). No doubt life couldn't be any other way; after all . . . what else can you do?" In these sentiments is hidden a secret message that effectively says: "Sure . . . I understand the prison you are in and -- given your conditions -- it's only logical, natural for you to feel like you are captive!"

Now one of the reasons we adopt this accepting posture when listening to others tell us of how punishing (or promising) their lives have become is because when people get together who have the "need" to spill out the "facts" about their lives, the unspoken but palpably telling undertone in their voice is "Look, what I am telling you now is true, so whatever else you may do, don't challenge this view I have of my life. Don't upset my apple cart . . . because if you do, what you're really challenging is my very sense of myself."

There is nothing in the universe that can stop us from growing -- nothing -- except for one thing: our unconscious identification with a habitual, mechanical sense of self produced by a mistaken self-image. A "self" it is worth noting that for all these years has found a way to make peace with an unconscious nature whose pleasure it is to pressure us into ruinous relationships of one kind or another.

The suffering inherent in any condition created by unconscious codependency is due to one thing. It is the effect of our having forgotten who we really are. This is why we are so anxious for other people to confirm us, to tell us who we are through their behavior towards us. The flip side of this is the person who withholds his smile from us. He also tells us who we are! And, for his indifference, we are content to know ourselves as a victim of his uncaring heart even as we ravage ourselves with resentment for his perceived insensitivity.

We have uncovered the real root of codependency, whatever its form may be. Its dark seed in us is that we have forgotten our Original Nature. We are asleep to our True Self in God. And until we can begin to remember outright our created title that grants us freedom, the pain of our captivity will go on because we continue to participate in its creation.

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