The Anatomy of An Unwanted Moment: The Illusion of "Choice"
When comes the "shock" of some unwanted moment, before thought assumes a shape and corresponding sense of self... there is first a stillness born of meeting something unknown.
Then... the ensuing mental/emotional "noise" is the machinery of the "knower"... where the louder it becomes, the more problematic and painful the moment it has come forth to define... Through the content of itself.
Then comes forth first the sense of what we mistake as our self that doesn't know what to do with the onset of an undefined resistance... That in order to escape it, it must first define it.
At that moment, the consciousness actually awakened by the touch of that influence, falls into a state of sleep as it seeks an explanation -- within the content of itself -- for the sense of conflict being experienced in that moment.
And so it starts asking itself questions to narrow the field of search, arrive at choices and designated familiar actions.
The conflict mounts as we begin to experience a certain "I" in formation struggling to deal with an increasing sense of increasing disunity... "I don't know what to do here"...
... as the mind races back-and-forth looking at options the questions suggest as to which path will prove best, is it compares possibilities to eliminate worst case scenarios.
If we dare examine ourselves in the moments like this... It's evident: we wouldn't be experiencing this conflict if it weren't for the fact that, at least at the outset, none of our choices are optimal...
... Meaning they all have upsides and downsides and we ride the roller coaster of thought trying to get to the exit.
So there is this conflict, and we perceive the experience of it as having been caused by the world around us... that has now put us in this position of having to choose what to do with the conflict we blame on the world seen in that moment as acting upon us.
And we are presented with what seems to be an evolving set of choices to end this conflict... that in that moment of consequence we are unable to see that in spite of all of our choices so far, conflict remains!
Why? Where is this conflict? Is it between "apples and oranges?" It can't be: neither resist the other, and if we can see that is true then can any choice between these opposites bring an end to the conflict born of unconscious comparison?
No: because if there is no conflict between the opposites that doesn't naturally include its resolution, in the moment of their appearance...
Then, there's only one thing left for us to see and that is that there is something within our consciousness that is interfering with their appearance and reconciliation.
It is "I" that stands between the Divine We, that keeps the illusion alive that there is some form of separation between the creator and his creation.
Ask yourself this question:
If I am free to make a choice but compelled to choose for fear of loss, missing out on some imagined GAIN ... Am I in fact free?