Marc July 04, 2021 At a christmas meal, nothing that arose inside as a response was kind. There was either agreement to fit in or to disagree, yet what was going on around was the same as seen inside myself. So I did not know what to do at all. It was a bit sad to see and was moving so fast around, with no space. In one way, as this has been the story of Marc when in groups, it was a relief, as much fear of being a misfit has always been felt. Yet the misfit, when seeing others also in a similar position, was not really there. Like I mentioned, there was a particular sadness, especially as there Is space, when catching someones eyes, yet it is quickly closed down in a nervous way. Every now and then I became the focus of attention and sort of humiliated, yet the pace of it all meant this was so brief. Like a hot potato, I was passed it for a while and dropped it when it came. Not holding others attention, by lending my own, it dispersed and moves elsewhere as it could not be still. So many situations in the past have been similar and Marc tried to cover it all up by pretending, smiling, agreeing, disagreeing, taking a side, avoiding and completely walking away at times. Over time he simply gave up and avoided all situations like this completely. So, it was never what it seemed. Neither fit nor misfit. Nor avoid or join in. I kept one eye on my breath, or my meal. But my breath is mysterious as I can't identify it yet is always there. :)

Deborah July 04, 2021 Hi Mark, I appreciate your comment. Christmas with family and friends is such a great time to Work at watching this nature scramble around looking to know itself through it's attachments. And while it might be "sad" as you say and perhaps disconcerting at times to this lower nature to see all this, it gives me so much joy to know that I don't need to struggle with what is seen. I like remembering that my Work is to just be aware of all that passes through me; not to get lost in thought about what I see and identify with it. Merry Christmas