Two things: first, there is a way out; of this you may be assured. You can realize the kind of self-rule for which you aspire once you start becoming aware of the truth of yourself... not through what others say is true, not through what you hope is true, but through a direct interior relationship with yourself. And this kind of conscious connection with the full content of oneself can take place. That being said... there is no "drive through," "be ready in 3-minute fix" for what you are beginning to long for within yourself; but, I think you already sense this.

The need to be whole, to know God's love and forgiveness is something seeded into the soul that He places there. Our task is to cultivate the "earth" of ourselves, to do the weeding and watering, and ensure that the "pests" (like fear, doubt, over-indulgence of anything -- including negative states and regrets) don't get the upper hand. If we do our part, Truth, the Light... is unfailing in its duty of delivering us from our many dark (unenlightened) selves. What you need is new self-knowledge, and this kind of higher awareness begins with new and true ideas. Just take the first step towards what your heart of hearts longs for, and the Truth will see to it that you have all that you need the rest of the way.