My life is beautiful in peaceful surroundings and with loving friends. But where is my lover? Where is my dream? Not anywhere in sight... and that's been the case forever. I lost my husband in divorce, and then the journey through emotional hell based on denial began... all due to an inordinate sense of worthlessness -- unconsciously believing I was unwanted and not worth being wanted. I am an attractive person, but the right man just doesn't seem to exist. Internet dating has failed to bring Mr. Right. I've been trained to be a great lover, but I am wasting away. Do you have any insights you can share with me?
While your wish for a life-long companion is completely understandable, there are laws that govern such things. When our wish to feel complete sets us on a course to find someone who fits the bill, the real (but unseen) cost of that pursuit is identifying with the false belief that what you've imagined will make you whole has the power to make real that wish. This false belief belongs to an incomplete level of understanding that can only attract people of the same level. And when you have two people looking to each other to make themselves feel whole...well, what you have is a recipe for eventual disappointment and resentment.
There's a beautiful rule, and for those who understand its power...a real promise for a new order of love to come into his or her life. Put whatever love you have for what is true before all things. Here's why: Wanting to see where you've been deceived into believing that being "alone" means you're somehow not worth being loved is the same as uncovering the lying nature that lives to feel "left out" and "all by itself." It's this unconscious level of self that sells us downstream... into a host of misbegotten relationships that -- after we have fallen -- then belittles us (for being so "stupid.") The more we free ourselves of this mistaken interior relationship and its dependencies, the freer we become of the illusion of "must have" someone, something to make us whole. And the more we are liberated, transformed in this manner (by our love for what's true) the more that love... that brought us to and through that part of the journey... sees to it that those we really need in our lives... to continue growing in this way... come into our life.