Most of us are certain that the reason we are upset in any given situation is because of what someone else has done or not done. In general, our day-to-day interactions with other human beings are tainted with some kind of conflict, whether it is in the form of an outwardly expressed war or an inwardly suppressed resentment.
There is a passage in scripture that says, "Physician, heal thyself." As it is used here, the word "heal" means "to make whole." You cannot have an enemy without there being a reason for why you are feeling the negative state that you are feeling. When we start to wake up a little bit through our own interior work, we can see that we have unknowingly become a large vault of suppressed states, and that we have many reasons for why we feel the way we do.
The human being is the embodiment of a vast number of forces whose reasons for existing are inconceivable to the mind. But our minds give us reasons why we are in pain. Everyone, everywhere, is always singing a note, and we all have within us the exact same notes. Whenever we are around another person who is sounding a certain kind of note -- be it arrogance, anger, sorrow, exuberance, or kindness -- that same note is sounded within us. And when we start to experience something outside of our tiny spectrum of recognized feelings, we attempt to explain away this feeling that we don't want.
Other people show us things about ourselves that we are intended to feel. When we are conscious of ourselves, we can look at others and understand why they are the way they are, instead of telling them why they ought not be that way. And when we understand why other people act as they do, knowing that we have the exact same corresponding note within ourselves, then it becomes impossible to resent, judge, or punish the other person. How can I punish another person for what I am myself at that moment?
This is where "physician, heal thyself" comes in, because we discover that we are not separate from the notes that are sounded within us. Other people actually help us experience parts within ourselves that have been sleeping. The judge inside of us (that which gives us reasons why we should not be feeling what we are feeling) is the resistor of the state -- of the note that is sounded -- and it does not want to understand or be in relationship with what we actually are.
When you are aware of another person's pain, because it is also within you, then you feel genuine compassion toward that person, and the last thing you would want to do is add to that person's pain, just as you would not want to add to your own. Then a true healing takes place.
Don't try to fix others... Heal yourself. And healing yourself begins with not blaming or judging. When someone sounds a note and it begins to resonate in you, try to remember that you are being introduced to an aspect of your own consciousness that up until that moment had been asleep. And remember that it is the resistance to the state that has to go.