Try to see that any image one feels the need to "hold" of oneself must be born of an opposite feeling--somewhat as you are beginning to realize now. The image one produces and clings to of being "lovable" only serves to secretly strengthen the fear of not being worth loving. Who you really are needs no images whatsoever to gaze upon.

Do not try to keep anything. What is yours cannot be lost. What is not yours cannot be held. Start over. What you really want is the Living Spirit of Truth, of the Light, of Christ. This Spirit cannot leave us as it has never been without us, save for our looking in the wrong places.

I know how this is going to sound, but the issue isn't about healing oneself from a major illness. It is about awakening to and walking away from the time self that not only believes it exists only to perish, but that spends its entire existence running from what it can never escape. The one who wakes up fears nothing. He or she cannot be touched by this world.

Tomorrow morning when you open your eyes, get out of bed immediately. Do not lay there. The darkness loves this "down time." Put your feet on the floor and feel the rug (or whatever) under your feet. Come awake to the entirety of yourself, whatever that may be. Remember God in this moment and with your heart, request His presence to always protect you.

There can be no expression of a force, say anger, that does not do to the one sending it what it does to the one it is intended for, at the very same moment.