Anything active within us -- by whatever name it is given or that it calls itself -- that stands up within us and explains to us why we have the "right" to ache or hate, or why we need to stay in a destructive relationship as either the abused or abuser, is set against what is good in us and for us. Further, this self-wrecking nature that both creates and sustains these codependent relationships requires our willing captivity as one of the conditions it needs to keep us from growing into what God intends for us to be. It wins this willingness of ours through deception. Can we begin to see why saints and sages from the beginning of time have always cried out, "Wake up! The dream we dream does not belong to us!"?
The truth is that there is nothing in the universe that can stop us from growing... except for one thing: our unconscious identification with an habitual, mechanical sense of self produced by a mistaken self-image -- a "self," it is worth noting, that for all these years has found a way to make peace with an unconscious nature whose pleasure it is to pressure us into ruinous relationships of one kind or another.
We have not understood why we feel punished, but now we are beginning to wake up. We have been listening to a misleading voice within us that always comes up with new reasons for why we feel the way we do. Guided by these false conclusions we embrace yet more painful illusions. The only way to end this parade of empty explanations and the captivity they help to induce is to realize its root cause.
The suffering inherent in any condition created by unconscious destructive relationship is due to one thing. It is the effect of our having forgotten who we really are. This is why we are so anxious for other people to confirm us, to tell us who we are through their behavior towards us. Even the people who withhold their smiles from us tell us who we are! And, for his indifference, we are content to know ourselves as a victim of their uncaring hearts even as we ravage ourselves with resentment for their perceived insensitivity.
We have uncovered the real root of codependency, whatever its form may be. Its dark seed in us is that we have forgotten our original nature. We are asleep to our true self in God. And until we can begin to remember outright our created title that grants us freedom, the pain of our captivity will go on because we continue to participate in its creation.