Eventually you are going to find, through your own work and the opening of your own interior eyes, that which you are intended to find along the road. However, the opening of one's spiritual eyes is a lot different from assessing and mulling over spiritual knowledge with one's intellect. The opening of spiritual eyes means that, now and again, you catch a glimpse of the invisible movement of thought and feeling as it directs you to do things against yourself. This gradual awakening means that within the individual a new understanding is being formed that makes it impossible for that person to be governed by thoughts and feelings to the same degree that he was formerly.
We have the mistaken idea that we are not supposed to express the forces and energies that pass through us, but the fact is that expressions take place in multiple worlds. Everything has to express itself. We are not meant to crush or resist anything. In order for light to act upon darkness, the darkness must express itself -- that is, it must present itself within the light of awareness. These forces and energies -- these "dark", unknown states that course through us -- are not punishing in themselves. What makes them punishing is our resistance to them. When we begin to work to become conscious of these energies, and not interfere with their movement, we at last have the chance to NOT become the embodiment of whatever expression happens to be present. The light that has revealed the state can then do what it alone must do.
