"Make The Real Payment in the Moment"
Every punishing moment in life is born of an unseen demand that we entered into that moment with. ("You Owe Me" syndrome). But you can never be free as long as you think somebody owes you something. Freedom can only be found when one assumes 100% responsibility for everything that passes through them and that comes between them and another human being.
See when you are negative that it's because something thinks it's "owed" something. Work to let go of the demand and make the real payment due in that moment. Die to the "You Owe Me" nature. Observe the parts of you responsible for the continuation of the pain and the "debt". What you are given in exchange for that payment is real freedom.