Part 1
It is virtually impossible to consciously bear the unpleasant manifestation of any other human being until we have awakened to the same manifestation in ourselves, and learned to consciously suffer it. In other words, we can only bear in someone else what we have learned to bear in ourselves... which means none can be truly compassionate until we know what it means to suffer ourselves for the sake of something greater than ourselves.
Part 2
Much of what we see in the eyes of those we love, especially in moments of continuing conflict, is because we are unwilling to see what we are giving them to look at in that moment.