Question: I understand that the purpose of this moment is not to feel certain or to feel better about "myself." I know that my work is to see this lower nature in me, to watch it fall down, and to consciously suffer that. I want to work to be a sincere student, to deliberately set aside more time for prayer and attention exercises, yet I continue to feel used by a nature that acts...
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stillness, meditation, prayer, letting go, openness, surrender, trying, effort, strain, ambition, spiritual ambition...
If you continue living as you presently are -- as an outer-oriented person -- you will be doomed to re-create your life the way it has always been.
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What good is it to find a solution, some seeming strength, that doesn't really resolve your problem, but that is just another form of secret self-deception? Outside of its power to help you temporarily feel better about the weakness that just claimed you, what good is the "strength" of being able to endlessly explain yourself to yourself? Of being able to "intelligently" justify some deliberately hurtful act towards another?
We have within us, each and every one of us, a certain kind of higher vantage point -- a very special part of us -- that when we are present to it, we enjoy its peace, regardless of what is going on around us or within us. This yet to be realized state of ourselves can be called conscious self-awareness. Through its power, instead of being pulled down into painful identification with each and every passing shadow of life...