As human beings we form relationships and then, when the form or dynamic of these relationships change, as they must, we blame these unwanted changes for our loss of peace. Such behavior is like getting mad at the wind that catches our hat and whisks it away. Our sense of lost peace, along with feeling the loss of one's freedom that was tied to it, has never had anything to do with peace with...

Student Talks: 10/1/2021 - Key Lesson: Here's why it makes no difference who, or at what we point the finger of blame for any mental or emotional suffering we're given to feel at the time: until we become aware of the unconscious role our own hand plays in the misery of these unwanted moments... nothing can change.

Any human being who has to hold himself together is someone who is ready to fall apart. Trying to hold yourself together is a terrible way to go through life. Our task is to prove this to ourselves. The fears of falling apart can never be quieted by adding more pieces to your self, such as success or the hopes of success. With this approach to life you wear out faster, because you now have eve...

Have you ever noticed just how unhappy you can get over the fact you are not happy? Unexamined, this behavior seems to make sense. But a closer look at it will reveal that being unhappy over being unhappy is like throwing gasoline on a fire to put it out. You get lots of fire and smoke -- even a strange excitement -- but in the end all you are left with is ashes. This is why you must understan...

Topics covered:  The last thing that human beings want to give up is their suffering; The root of every ongoing, painful psychological struggle is the attempt to avoid suffering; None of the chronic psychological pains that we experience in our lives exist without the corresponding things outside of ourselves that we blame them on.

The less we try to “teach” others about their shortcomings, the more insight we gain into our own.

Classroom Talk: 4/25/2003 - Just as we know that we're responsible when a thief steals our car because we left it unattended with the keys in the ignition, so should we realize that we have no one else to blame for how bad we feel whenever we permit negative states to steal into our heart and drive off with it!

Nothing we blame for the pain of our anger, anxiety, or fear can ever change their real cause. The true source of our suffering -- individually and collectively -- is an unconscious nature that invents its own enemies, and then suffers in the futile attempt to conquer them... something it can never do, just as it's impossible for a shadow to overcome sunlight.

Question: Concerning verbal and emotional abuse by a spouse... how does one deal with intimidation, put downs, blaming, coercion, withholding of affection, threats, diverting, denial, not keeping agreements -- all happening in a cycle? I am unable to leave due to a medical condition that keeps me financially dependent. I want to evolve as much as possible in this life. I meditate regularly...