In truth, the mind -- torn from all directions by opposing urges from various parts of oneself -- is incapable of reaching any real decision about what one should and shouldn't be or do. I'm sure you've already seen this. One moment you know you ought not yield to certain desires, the next moment... you're diving headlong into them, or into some fantasy (about them). It's clear you are in some degree of torment over your desires, and this alone indicates that some part of you realizes that what another part "wants" isn't right for you. Try, as best you can, to be watchful of your longings, instead of just lending yourself to whatever immediate desire wants to claim your attention. I call this choosing to be watchful first, then willing as directed by what you see as being right and true (or not) for you. Above all, ask God, as best you understand this higher living intelligence, to give you insight into your present situation. Be wary of anyone that urges or pushes you to accept their way of life, so as to make themselves feel all right about their own choices. Find out for yourself what's true, and in that Light you will know exactly what to do.