I am sorry for your loss. It's never easy when we find ourselves in these kinds of painful situations. Hopefully, the following few words will make some sense to you, but even if they don't help you right away, I trust that in the days and months ahead you will receive the help they are intended to bring.

So first: your pain is not to be denied, but rather used by you. Instead of allowing it to use you up with useless self-condemnation, or raging regret and resentment, learn to use it. How is that done? Start by realizing that your sense of loss is as great as it is because you wrongly believed that you could find the wholeness your heart longs for in the eyes, heart, and mind of another human being. Yes... a good relationship can bring us happiness, joy, and a sense of love; these are good things and part of the simple pleasure of being a human being. But the real reason for our relationships with others is for something altogether different, something of a higher order that can be stated like this: relationships, whatever their nature, are there for us to learn the truth about ourselves through them. And remember, what is true never judges or condemns what it reveals. So, don't fall into that trap. Your husbands actions are not a reflection of your character unless you insist on seeing yourself that way.

Don't let bitterness lead you into the belief, as it wants to do, that real Love doesn't exist. It does... but the lesson is we must learn to look for it in the right place. Whenever we discover (as we always do, eventually) that everything -- even the best of things -- is temporary, then we are on the right road to finding what is everlasting that already lives within us.