Let me begin by saying that it's impossible to answer your questions in an email...as even if I were to say, "Yes, this is true," or "No, that's not right," etc., it won't change anything real for you. The questions that trouble us, whatever their nature are indications of a kind of broken relationship that we have with reality itself.
For instance, we never want to know if the sun will rise because we are there every morning to see it appear...and have done so for our entire life. We are in a living relationship with it...and, as such, have no questions to ask about that relationship. Are we not in a living relationship with our own thoughts? Why then don't we know the truth of their origin, of their nature...their classifications, i.e., types and order? If, in fact, our lives are run by these thoughts (as they are presently for most people) then what can be more valuable than using one's life to uncover these "secrets" since the alternative is to suffer from that unenlightened relationship. Christ said, "Seek ye first," etc, because that's what needs to be done if we want a living relationship with real Life.
As for fear...it cripples anyone who bows to its threat. Living under its whip is no different, none, than consenting to live with a heinous dictator in your own home. "As for me, give me liberty or give me death..." this great American quote stands the test of time because it is a statement that crosses all borders, inwardly and outwardly, physical and spiritual. Why does someone agree to live in relationship with something that kills whatever relationship it touches? It can only be that such persons have never really explored the relationship they have with it...because once they see, clearly, the factuality of this consensual relationship with a soul stealing state (fear) that relationship is over.
The same afore mentioned truths apply to every relationship we have...including the one we have with the Divine. If you want to know the truth about God's life, the nature of his true son (or daughter, whatever expression depending upon religious view, etc) then ask this of the Divine directly. Yes, "Ask and ye shall receive." Wondering about what is true without doing the interior work to discover the same within yourself is not the path to truth, anymore than the first step into the ocean is the same as swimming in it. Dive. Leap. Risk something you fear losing as a conscious "sacrifice" and you will see -- for yourself -- the nature of the relationship you have requested to know. You will see, for yourself, that who you really are can no more lose what is valuable than a diamond can lose its luster by being in the sun.
God does not hold back the answers for which our hearts seek; it is we who hold onto ourselves and then wonder over His silence.
