You've reached the point in life (as we all do) when we stop looking for the kind of renewal that comes from that feeling of being full of ourselves. We now understand that as fast as that kind of joy pours in, it pours out, and what remains is an emptiness.

The more you hold on to what are obviously conditional aspects of this life - for that sense of yourself of being "new" or "going forward" --

Don't mistake this feeling of fear for a friend. Instantly catch and drop whatever thought wants you to believe that there might not be life without suffering. Have no concern whatsoever over where these feelings of unknowing will lead you. The seemingly intelligent self-concern over your rising feelings of vulnerability is nothing but another false identity. Suspend it as well. Deny its re-entrance into your life. This total suspension of self allows the present moment to flood in unfiltered and uncolored. Something genuinely new is happening and you know it. This newness is your true home. Within it you are safe and out of the reach and grip of familiar but fierce self-creating thoughts and feelings. Persist with this higher kind of self-suspension for as long as it takes until slowly, but surely, you feel the weighted drag of your habitual self less and less. As you grow lighter in spirit, you will see that this Newness you have fought for is who you really are. Here lies your True Nature. It was there all along - like the strong, unshakable shelter of a deep mountainside cave you were at first afraid to enter when caught off guard by a fierce storm. To your everlasting delight, you find within this special kind of newness true refuge. In its strength yours is renewed. All is well. The storms can no longer reach you.

Here is a special exercise that can help you to start letting go of yourself. Every time you catch yourself just about to take a swim in the old habitual river of thoughts and feelings, practice self-suspension. Here's how. Don't let the current of the past dictate the direction of the present moment. Have your own life right now. You are not your thoughts and feelings. Dare to live without each painful identity that calls for you to embrace it and to do its bidding. Let something new happen each moment by letting those old, habitual sensations go their way unobstructed. Stay out of them. Work at this special self-suspension and inner-alertness until the day you find this newness you once had to struggle to endure is now something you could not endure living without!