In this answer to a viewer's question, "letting go" author Guy Finley talks about how grief over the death of a loved one will complete itself and become something else if we will not resist the experience and allow it to be what it is.
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Enlightening articles by Guy Finley on a wide range of topics address practical life issues and deepen your spiritual understanding.
Short but powerful quotes by Guy Finley will inspire you throughout your day.
Heartfelt inner-life questions from people around the world, and Guy’s enlightening answers, will shed light on your own issues.
Read Guy’s newest insights as he jots them down, spontaneous and uncensored.
Watch or listen to the specific talk we will all be discussing during this week’s Online Study Group meeting.
If you have a few minutes, and want a burst of enlightenment, watch or listen to these brief talks by Guy, filled with concentrated wisdom.
Hearing Guy interact with an interviewer is a delight. Listen as he makes deep spiritual principles easy to understand.
Be encouraged by hearing fellow members share their experiences and discoveries as they bring higher ideas into their daily lives.
The Life of Learning singers and instrumentalists perform beautiful music that will inspire and uplift you.
Join us for exclusive live broadcasts of select Guy Finley talks.
Start your day off right with a nugget of wisdom that can transform your experience with everything you do and everyone you meet.
Inner-life exercises and special writings deepen your understanding.
Longtime local members speak for 10 to 15 minutes on a special topic. Hear the explorations and discoveries of others on the inner journey.
Dive deep into a subject on your own! Work at your own pace with a series of talks by Guy on topics critical to your inner development.
Catch Guy Finley’s weekly message that focuses on spiritual and personal breakthroughs. This is updated weekly and is available in video, audio and text.
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In this answer to a viewer's question, "letting go" author Guy Finley talks about how grief over the death of a loved one will complete itself and become something else if we will not resist the experience and allow it to be what it is.
Transcript
Terri: Jan says, Hello, Guy. My husband to whom I've been married 47 years has suddenly just died. I'm having trouble even believing what has happened. I'm trying to simply take one moment after another, but I am human and I love him. How can I not resist this, please?
GF: Don't resist it. Have you ever been someplace really beautiful and it was fully something wondrous to you, and then you came home and you're trying to explain to somebody what was wondrous to you? I remember when we went to the Himalayas, I took all these pictures of all this great stuff. I got home and I couldn't have been more disappointed... the picture's just not the thing. Now, why do I say that, Jan? There is nothing in creation, including our consciousness, that isn't part of a perpetual movement, where what has come acts upon what has been, and out of the relationship between those two conditions is a new condition born. You must agree, Jan, to let the experience of the loss of the man that you loved for 47 years, you must agree to let it be 100% what it is. Because you see, even grief will complete itself and become something else, but not when that grief is denied or pushed away or resisted. When you resist grief, you perpetuate it. When you accept, completely, the experience of this consciousness with whatever it is and however it's attached to whatever it's attached to... when you accept that fully -- meaning, the complete experience of it with no thought towards it at all, not thinking about "well, what does that mean" and "where did it go" and "what's going to happen" -- just the full experience of it. When you do that, then that experience completes itself. It completes itself. And when it does, you are completed as well. You have taken from that moment everything that is possible for you to understand about yourself through it, and that's what the experience is for. When I read your question, Jan -- and I did read it prior to it being posted -- I couldn't help but think of my own wife. We've been together for 40 years (more than that, I don't know how long more than that). As I was sitting there, I had this momentary, incomprehensible feeling of, "well, what am I... what's it going to be like if..." because I promised her that she could go first, because she doesn't want me to go first, she said she can't take it, and I get it. If it's in my power, I will let that happen. What would it be like to sit in that home and not know that Squirt is around? It's inconceivable and you could feel a vast hole. Every human being who has ever loved anyone will experience a vast hole in themselves. But there is no hole that comes into existence that isn't created to be filled by something new. But if we would just allow the hole that takes place at the loss of someone... how about the hole of losing face? How about the hole that happens when I come and, for instance, I want to be able to express something to you so dearly and I feel like I missed the mark? That's a hole, isn't it? But what if I don't, what if I just let the hole be the whole experience? Then there's no me holding onto it. We don't understand that resistance is actually a form of identification, and that when you identify with whatever it is that you resist, you believe it's because you don't want it. No, it's because something in us is clinging to that experience for its sake, not your sake, because there's great pain in being identified with it. You have to experiment, Jan. And I hope this is taken the right way: it is an unbelievable loss, but it can be an unbelievable gain. It can be the discovery that within you is something that, while you had a relationship with your husband, the relationship you had with your husband was nothing but a representation of another order of relationship that came into physicality, into form that you experienced and shared -- but sits behind it is the real union, the real marriage, the real love, that which cannot die and never does. And only when you die to the idea that it did, do you discover that it can't die.
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Topics covered: Something in me wants to keep me in fear and humiliation; Why do I feel more negative during the holidays; Feeling like a fake; Resisting unwanted moments; How do I take the high road and forgive someone who hurt me; I want to help my family cope with the death of a loved one...
Guy Finley explains that you would never sense that something is stealing your life if there weren't the presence of a higher nature within you that made you aware of it.
How to heal from grief after losing a loved one, and use our suffering for its intended purpose, is answered in this insightful video. When an aspirant asks Guy Finley how to heal from grief after losing his wife, Guy explains the difference between the natural pain of loss versus unconsciously revisiting the past which only ensures our continued suffering.
An Unbelievable Loss Can Also Be An Unbelievable Gain
Posted by Guy Finley in 459 Galice Road, Merlin, OR 97532 on , and updated on .
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