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How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?
How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?
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How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?

  • Posted: Tuesday, January 28, 2025
  • Meeting: Wednesday, December 11, 2024

  • Duration: 3min 9sec

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Guy answers a viewer's question about giving up anger and self-judgment when a friend shuts you out. Discover ways to navigate relationships with understanding and compassion. We spend so much time measuring ourselves, hoping to come out ahead, yet measuring inherently contains the "short stick." We expect validation but often end up with judgment and frustration, creating an endless loop of self-comparison and negativity. This cycle stems from an internal dialogue -- a constant push and pull between wanting and not wanting, between approval and self-criticism -- that leaves us stuck and spinning. True freedom comes not from repressing these reactions but from recognizing that this measuring mindset changes nothing and only perpetuates misery. To break free, we must see through this illusion and let go of the need to define ourselves by external or internal judgments.

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Transcript

Jon: Here's our next question. It comes from Judith on YouTube. She says, "This is perfect for what I needed right now. I was just shut out by someone telling me to say goodbye but they love me, in the middle of a real quote unquote conversation. Control. Okay. I'm giving up the anger and frustration.  

Guy: So, what Judith is saying is that somebody said, it's not you, it's me. Do you know that? I go back to what Paul wrote. Love never measures itself. You don't know how much time you spend measuring yourself and the misery involved in it. Try to see it. I measure my, do you ever think to yourself, I'm gonna measure myself so I come up really short? Does anybody here find that? No. I measure myself, whatever it is, because I think I'm gonna come out looking pretty good on Santa's lap. No, I measure myself because I expect the measurement to be positive, but the action of measuring myself but already contains the short stick. It's inherent in it. So the answer isn't, although Judith, it's good to, to, in quotes, give up the anger and frustration. But repressing the negativity produced by someone who seemingly is punishing you  for being you, is not the same as recognizing that all of this reaction comes out of a measurement that you expected, failed at in their eye, and now you're measuring yourself. Don't do it. How do I not measure myself? Where does wanting and not when does wanting  and not wanting come to an end When I see that whatever I want is gonna bring what I don't want? When I see that it doesn't change anything, when will I stop measuring myself?  When will I stop judging myself, When I see doesn't? And here's the question. Well, if I don't do those things, what am I supposed to do with my life? You, you have to see that. You actually have to see that your identity is a derivative of an end of an unending dialogue between one side of this face that's smiley and the other face that's judging. It's not smiling. You have to see that mind is trying to reconcile itself, and it reconciles itself by spinning. So it doesn't change anything. Just makes you dizzy.

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How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?

Posted by in 459 Galice Road, Merlin, OR 97532 on , and updated on .