Relationships

The first challenge before any person who wants to find a way out of some hurtful codependent relationship is to see that while we do have the awareness required to interact with life -- and even to learn challenging new skills -- this level of awareness is not enough.

As we're about to discover, the little phrase, "I see myself," describes a single action that has the power to change the heart of whoever is willing to embrace its practice. But, before we examine the exercise, let's take a closer look at what it means to "see ourselves" -- as we are -- especially when someone else has failed to please us.

The real underlying limitation in our relationships is rooted in how we look at and think about others who are in our life. But, perhaps more accurately stated: the real problem we have with others is what we don't yet see and understand about ourselves!

Compassion for others starts with the understanding that every human being on the planet looks different from us -- because physically we are different -- but inwardly we all live in the same pool. We all have pain and pleasure, we all share emotions that move in waves through that pool. People may live on the east bank of the pool so that the waves they know are different from the waves we know on the west bank, but if we look close enough...

Before we can learn how to step outside the pattern set into motion by some habitual negative reaction toward others, we need a better understanding of the underlying forces that create it. In other words, we must find a way to look at these same moments through a "new set of eyes."

When we're negative -- in a "power struggle" with someone over whatever is being contested -- we're reduced to being little more than a puppet. We're literally "strung out" -- momentarily animated -- by unseeing forces in us that can only do one thing: mechanically oppose whatever seems to oppose them.

We love to be shown qualities within us that are positive. But love often shows us what is un-loving within us, much as the light of the sun creates shadows. To understand this is to realize that even in the darkest moment of some unwanted revelation, we are never without love; it is always there, even if -- as clouds sometimes hide the sun...

Mistaking intruders for welcome guests in your inner home is not nearly as uncommon as you may think. Isn't it true that each of us knows firsthand this everyday experience? One minute you're walking along without a care in the world, and the next minute you feel as though you're carrying the entire world on your back! Your inner home, where you really live, has been temporarily...

Have you ever been drawn into a fight with a loved one where - by the time you got knee-deep into who's "right" and who's "wrong" -- maybe over the most trivial of matters -- it felt as if, somehow, your very life depended on the outcome of that fight We've all had moments like this, perhaps too many times; which is why it seems strange that we've yet to see the following...

What do we have to do to change the balance sheet of our lives so that for every measure of impatience and intolerance there may be at least an equivalent sum of compassion and consideration? With few exceptions, the usual focus of our attention and interactions with others is centered on our self and the fulfillment of its desires. The mindset of this lower consciousness...

When in a fight of any kind, over anything, we look over at the other person and "see" - almost magically - exactly what's wrong with him or her in that moment. So confident are we in our conclusion as to the nature of their problem - that the following has almost no chance to dawn on us: We can't see that person is looking at us in this exact same kind of "light"... that is not a light at all...

We all know what it's like to find ourselves unhappy and in conflict with someone who just isn't giving us what we want or need from him or her. Whenever this happens, we usually find fault with these people, judge them as being inadequate, and then blame them for the negativity we now feel toward them. But how many of us are awake enough to offer these same people..."