When we're negative -- in a "power struggle" with someone over whatever is being contested -- we're reduced to being little more than a puppet. We're literally "strung out" -- momentarily animated -- by unseeing forces in us that can only do one thing: mechanically oppose whatever seems to oppose them.
I understand this last image is not very flattering, but let's be honest: experience validates the fact of it. Each time we're drawn into a fight, it's exactly as if someone "turns out the lights." All we can "see" in that slowly enveloping darkness of our negative state is someone that we're sure it's our duty to change, control, or "make sorry" for what he or she has done to us... even as they are trying to do the same to us.
The unseen source of our negative reactions towards others isn't necessarily because of what they do or don't do toward us; rather, most of our sense of resentment or disappointment with others -- the real source of that "thorn" in our side -- is some invisible demand of ours that goes before us into all of our relationships.
These impossible expectations -- placed on friends, family, and our loved one -- are such that none can possibly live up to their mandate. And it's not just people we know who have this power to trouble us at the push of the proverbial "button."
How about this familiar scene: you go to a dinner party and sit across from someone you've never met. And, before you're even introduced, it's clear that you don't like him or her one bit! Here's the explanation of this kind of negative reaction that we can have at the drop of a hat:
Each of us has a special role to play in the grand scheme of creation. Timeless forces of every possible character never stop "touching" us, literally weaving their way in and out of our being in every passing moment. This makes us a partner in the "cosmic dance" of Yin and Yang, an instrument of constantly shifting active and passive energies, so that in one moment we may feel attracted to someone, wanting to know him or her better... and, after only a moment of being near to them, our only wish is to get away!
This means that even as we're receiving these celestial forces into us, we're also radiating them at the same time. Not only are we, ourselves, directly involved in the constant interaction of these unseen forces within us, but they have their "own" relationship as well whose effects we know very little about. Nevertheless, our experience of their interaction can be thought of as one of those sudden feelings that come over us -- "for no reason." We call these unpredictable emotional energies being in a "mood."
These ceaseless interactions have a direct bearing on how we see and experience all our relationships in life, but these forces are blind; of themselves, they know nothing of their own nature; they cannot see the kind of experiences they create through their interactions; and neither is their individual character capable of caring about any of the above.
But do our relationships have to be defined by the interaction of these interior forces playing themselves out in the dark of us? Must we be "pushed" into a fight with anyone, just because we feel the presence of some pressure in us "telling" us that he or she is responsible for our stress? The answer is "No." All this can change because of one remarkable fact: we can learn to see them. Not only can we become aware of these unseeing forces as they play out their designated role in us but, by the same light of this awareness, we will be given authority over them!
If we hope to see any real transformation take place in our relationships -- whether with family, friends, or our partner for life -- then it is we who must become illuminated. The kindness, the patience, the love we seek is going to have to start with us... even if the other person throws our best efforts right back in our face! Challenging? No doubt -- perhaps more so than anything we may have ever tried to do before. Rewarding? Let's see, and then you decide:
What if rather than allowing these blind, opposing forces to set you against another, you could learn how to start using them; where even a hint of their pressure would not only awaken you to their presence but -- in that same moment -- empower you to consciously separate yourself from their punishing influences? This would be like owning a kind of spiritual "alarm clock" that goes off just before you start to blame -- or resent -- someone else; a silent but unmistakable alert system that serves, at once, to reveal and release you from the unseen parts of your own consciousness that tend to automatically oppose any unwanted moment.
Being able to observe even the smallest of your own negative reactions -- and to recognize on the spot that it -- that opposing force -- is not you, means that a whole new level of awareness is now awake in you. The light of this higher self-awareness now united with your willingness to see yourself -- as you are -- has done the unthinkable: it has set you free... from yourself. For the first time, you're able to step outside the negative influence of unconscious forces, making it possible to love as you've always wanted to: unconditionally.
The more places we'll employ the interior practice of seeing ourselves, the sooner we will find ourselves living from a higher level of Self that cannot be made to turn against anyone, let alone those we love.
