My Cart
  • Home
  • Join
  • About Us
  • Visit Us
Toggle Nav
My Cart
Play Video Play Video
 
How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?
How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?
Successfully added to My Favorites!
Add to Favorites
Comments (0)

26 Views

How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?

  • Posted: Tuesday, January 28, 2025
  • Meeting: Wednesday, December 11, 2024

  • Duration: 3min 9sec

Additional Details

Guy answers a viewer's question about giving up anger and self-judgment when a friend shuts you out. Discover ways to navigate relationships with understanding and compassion. We spend so much time measuring ourselves, hoping to come out ahead, yet measuring inherently contains the "short stick." We expect validation but often end up with judgment and frustration, creating an endless loop of self-comparison and negativity. This cycle stems from an internal dialogue -- a constant push and pull between wanting and not wanting, between approval and self-criticism -- that leaves us stuck and spinning. True freedom comes not from repressing these reactions but from recognizing that this measuring mindset changes nothing and only perpetuates misery. To break free, we must see through this illusion and let go of the need to define ourselves by external or internal judgments.

Supplemental Material

Transcript

Jon: Here's our next question. It comes from Judith on YouTube. She says, "This is perfect for what I needed right now. I was just shut out by someone telling me to say goodbye but they love me, in the middle of a real quote unquote conversation. Control. Okay. I'm giving up the anger and frustration.  

Guy: So, what Judith is saying is that somebody said, it's not you, it's me. Do you know that? I go back to what Paul wrote. Love never measures itself. You don't know how much time you spend measuring yourself and the misery involved in it. Try to see it. I measure my, do you ever think to yourself, I'm gonna measure myself so I come up really short? Does anybody here find that? No. I measure myself, whatever it is, because I think I'm gonna come out looking pretty good on Santa's lap. No, I measure myself because I expect the measurement to be positive, but the action of measuring myself but already contains the short stick. It's inherent in it. So the answer isn't, although Judith, it's good to, to, in quotes, give up the anger and frustration. But repressing the negativity produced by someone who seemingly is punishing you  for being you, is not the same as recognizing that all of this reaction comes out of a measurement that you expected, failed at in their eye, and now you're measuring yourself. Don't do it. How do I not measure myself? Where does wanting and not when does wanting  and not wanting come to an end When I see that whatever I want is gonna bring what I don't want? When I see that it doesn't change anything, when will I stop measuring myself?  When will I stop judging myself, When I see doesn't? And here's the question. Well, if I don't do those things, what am I supposed to do with my life? You, you have to see that. You actually have to see that your identity is a derivative of an end of an unending dialogue between one side of this face that's smiley and the other face that's judging. It's not smiling. You have to see that mind is trying to reconcile itself, and it reconciles itself by spinning. So it doesn't change anything. Just makes you dizzy.

Comment Icon

Comments (0)

If you want to comment, you must have at least a Basic membership in our online Wisdom School. Please Sign in or create an account now to join the discussion

More on this topic:

  1.

    Audio Student Q&A with Guy on "Transform Hurtful Arguments Into a Healing Space" (4/19/23)

  2. Multi

    Format

    Audio, Video Two Wrongs Never Make You Right

  3. Audio Online Study Group Meeting for Wednesday (8/7/2019)

  4. Audio Student Talks on "Cancel Any Negative Reaction with One Simple Realization" (1/20/23)

Related Products

  • Five Examples of Where We Tend to Consult

    Five Examples of Where We Tend to Consult "Yesterday's News"

    Stop being a victim of "Yesterday's News"! Calling on "what was" to deal with "what is"... is like being stranded on a deserted island, without any food, and hoping to make your growing hunger pains go away by reading and re-reading "Best Places to Dine Around Town"... the one magazine that washed up with you when you staggered onto shore.

  • Student Q&A with Guy on

    Student Q&A with Guy on "Dying to the Fear of Death Starts Here" (04/19/26)

    Topics covered:  True teachings are not intended to console the listener. They are intended to produce new insights that change the consciousness of those who allow the truth to act in them; Before rebirth there must come a death. "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." -- New Testament -- There is an order to things that cannot be twisted. True teachings talk about how things have become completely reversed.

  • Attend to the Business at Hand

    Attend to the Business at Hand

    In this short talk, Guy Finley discusses the mind's compulsive habit of judging other people, which is an unfortunate waste of time and energy that would better be spent attending to our own interior life.

  • The Secret Campsite of Self-Doubt (Student Talks)

    The Secret Campsite of Self-Doubt (Student Talks)

    Self-pity is the campsite of self-defeat; it is a dark refuge for those parts of us that would rather wallow in what cannot be than dare to explore what is possible.

How Do I Give Up Anger and Self-Judgment When a Friend Shuts You Out?

Posted by in 459 Galice Road, Merlin, OR 97532 on , and updated on .