When we lose something, even a loving relationship that was special to us, the pain of our loss is not in the fact that the person, position, or possession is gone from our life... it's impossible to lose something we never owned.
We don't own -- no one owns -- what we call our relationships, our appearance, our authority, our intelligence, even our very own life.
What we actually lose is an image, a carefully constructed mental picture of ourselves long-secured in place by someone or something that helps us to see ourselves -- or feel about ourselves -- the way we imagine ourselves to be. And with that person, position, or possession no longer in place to sustain that image, our pain is in the loss of that imaginary self.
There may have been a change in our life, but this change is not the pain of loss.
We can't own something that's in constant change, and all of life is exactly that: ceaseless, eternal change. But the mind is compelled to seek what it calls security, so it creates mental images it can hold in place -- images that don't change.
Again, real life is change. At some point, real events won't allow these false images to remain intact. Then we can no longer deny reality its course. Something has to give. Mental pictures -- no matter how well conceived -- are always the first to break up in any shakeup. It's the collapse of these images that we call loss.
Even though some deep heartache or the pain of losing a loved one is most certainly real, we must remind ourselves -- in the face of this awful emptiness -- that all of our painful feelings of loss belong to a lower level of mind whose thought nature it is to create a world around it from which it is ever apart.
But, who you really are can't lose anything because your True Nature is one with the whole timeless goodness of life. And it's impossible to lose yourself! When you know you can't really lose anything or anyone, if you understand there is no real division between you and the one you love or, for that matter, between you and love itself, then the heartache of loss simply ceases to exist for you.