Useless suffering can't be separated from useless resistance. The more you resist something, the more you suffer, believing that somehow or other your resistance to what you don't want to do (or be) is going to separate you or liberate you from the thing you don't want. Resistance is an unconscious form of attention, and the more attention you give to something you don't want, the more of it you get. The more you talk to yourself about why you suffer, the more you suffer. That's called Karma.
The moment you're in cannot ever be anything other than what it is. It is what it is. But when you don't feel good about the moment, it's no longer "it is what it is." What is it? "It ought not be that way!" And what is that feeling other than the weight of a self that comes into that moment and measures the event against what it expects? Having been passively stirred into an awareness that it's not going to be consoled or comforted, there is an instantaneous conflict between what you're sure the moment should be and what you see as not being that way. That's the weight of self.
But the moment can't be other than it is. You cannot change the event that is coming into your own consciousness, but you can reflect it by becoming aware of what it is showing you as it pours itself into you. You suffer uselessly now because you bring into the moment, without knowing it, the weight of the past -- the weight of a self that cannot and will not let go because it has no identity without the Karma it creates and sustains through its useless suffering. This is what is sometimes referred to as "bad Karma." But the good of Karma is when the moment brings into your life that which stirs your consciousness, thereby revealing to you what you brought with you into that moment that is in conflict with the good of the revelation.
You want to know what a liberated life is? It is a life that understands that every moment is bringing you the possibility of shedding the weight of the nature that creates the suffering so that you can stop trying to change the world that nature blames for its suffering.
We are meant to grow into an enhanced ability to perceive a completely different order of reality that's already here, but that we have no perception of because we're so locked into the weight of trying to escape the Karma of our own actions. We never think to ourselves that I'm getting what I do in the moment because of something in me that demands that this moment free me from the weight of myself, or that it give me something more with which to bear my weight.
If I'm given energy in my life and it's not used properly, what is that energy doing? Why do you think the world looks the way it does? To the extent that I don't use what I'm given, I run in debt to that which gave it to me. But the Divine is very gracious. It never punishes the person who doesn't use what they are given, but rather, through revelation, brings about a ceaseless experience of the debt they are in because they're not using their energy for what it has been given. The ceaseless experience of the debt is what we call Karma. That's why there's no "bad Karma." There's just the revelation of what is not balanced, and the opportunity with every moment of recognizing that we have been resisting that imbalance our entire life.
One day you'll get past the whole idea of not wanting a moment. You'll understand that there is no suffering that exists in the universe that doesn't serve the creation and the perfection of the universe that allowed it to take place. Your Divine Mother/Father knows how you hurt yourself and keeps bringing about the conditions that would allow you to become conscious of that weight you have carried with you through this life.
No one created the weight of a false self, but we are complicit in its continuity every time we justify and explain our suffering to ourselves instead of allowing the moment to show us what it is intended to show us -- that we have brought something with us into that moment that, by the grace of God, we are being given an opportunity to see as something that is out of whack.
You cannot see the revelation of God's life in the present moment when you are a prisoner of thought, always measuring the things that are happening and trying to decide whether or not it's "good Karma" or "bad Karma" based on whether you want it or don't want it. But one day, by the grace of God, you will see it. You will see it because you will be it.
